Megan and Murray McMillan

Jacques Villeglé, Rue de Tolbiac, c’est normal, c’est normand, 1962, Ripped posters mounted on canvas, at the Modern Art Museum of Fort Worth

Back in January 2005, before we wrote almost exclusively about art-related things, Murray wrote a blog post he jokingly titled “The Myth of Fast Metabolism” in which he complained about how his usually fast metabolism had failed him by allowing him to gain 5 pounds over the holidays.

It’s a few dry-witted paragraphs that are about as far from sound dietetic advice as one could possibly get. He makes the entirely unscientific observation that “Unfortunately, fast metabolisms have a dark side: I gain weight just as fast as I lose it. ” He also confesses that he’s stopped exercising because he forgot to bring his exercise clothes on our trip.

This post, now well over three years old, is the number one reason people come visit our blog on Google searches. This post is currently listed third on a search for “fast metabolism,” under other legitimate health-related sites. At times over the years, it’s been first on the list.

Here’s the thing about this post: it still gets comments. All. The. Time. What started with people vehemently correcting Murray’s “analysis” of metabolism — “thats ridiculous, i have a super fast metabolism and do not gain weight.” and “Debora, i completely agree with you sister. Don’t ask that other dude [i.e., Murray] to add 1 + 1, he’ll probably say the answer is 3.” — has now become a place where people post their teary confessions about the struggles of living with high-speed body chemistry.

A normal person can go eating one meal a day. If I tried to do that I would be sick to my tummy crying in pain. If i [sic] go just a little to [sic] long with out eatting [sic] my body turns on my self and I swear starts to eat me.

i always had weight loss problem and in my case it is not good cause i am now a mum and sad to say im [sic] only 30 kg (66 lbs) and i cannot hold my child like the ordinary mums do…

my ribs and spine stick out, i have no chest, im [sic] too tall, square hips, all boney, no boyfriend… and people call me lucky.

Thank God I found this site. Now I dont [sic] feel so alone. People ask me if I’m bulimic and anorexic and I had to go through a family intervention!

Only one sly reader seems to get the irony:

Darn you Captain Matabo. You steer your ship of irony and wit into a sea of poor pathetic preachers drowning in their own myopic woe-is-me… Why must I lazily and rhetorically fall back into parallel structure. This is no soup opera. Why must I google you if you consume my life unless I just want to show you off. Oh it’s a showdown between Captain Metabo and Calamity Vanity, I’d steak my life on it. I’m sure of it.

Bless you, Jon. You must have made good marks in reading critically.